Just so i dont have to study...avoiding responsibility, yeah, im gonna make a great doc someday.
wow.
so i dont know how long it's actually been since ive written anything in my blog. but i have written some "journal" entries...if they can be called that...that are just as emo as my old stuff.
seems i havnt changed much. thats depressing.
actually thats not true. i do think ive changed a bit. i mean, moving to a diffrent city and living by yourself while attending medical school has got to make a person change in some ways, right? i guess having emo relapses is just a part of who i am. this was a really bad week for me. for somereason im having a lot of those lately. i cant seem to get excited about anything. life just seems so BLAH lately. oh, one incident that happended to me this week and had me cringing:
place: anatomy lab, with dr. mervat
state is was in: pain, late period pain (which explains why i was sitting down and leaning against the board next to where dr. mervat was talking.
anyway, so it's already been established that dr. mervat only memorizes the names of DAWAFEER (according to the rest of the girls) students. so yeah, she knows my name. anyway, so she asks the whole class as she's writing on the board, the blah blah aretery blah blah and continues as..>? me and another girl (who i swear mashallah is SO much more smarter and more of a rounded person figurativly not literally than i am) answers. the doc asks again so i answered again. all of a sudden out of no where, she turns to me and says "by the way asabi3, how much did you happen to get on the anatomy final? (grades had come out just last week and i had gotten a 96% which i was mildly disappointed with , but accepted due to the fact that a lot of people failed. so you see, i knew their were failed marks but i didnt know what was considered a good mark for a DAFOORA.) next thing i know 30 heads or so all turn to look at me questioningly. now if theres one thing i cnat stand it's being stared at. my face promptly turned into a approx 23 cm in circumfrence tomato (at least i think thats how big my head is) as i stared at her in shock i went over my options in my head.
1. tell her and have everyone know my grades
2. tell her and have her look at me in suprises that my mark wasnt all that great
3. tell her and have her praise me infront of the whole class >> making me look like a pompus ass
4. not tell her and look like i was afraid of 7asad
5. not tell her and look like i got a bad grade and was too ashamed
6. just sit there and pertend i didnt hear her
i chose option 6
unfortunately she turned to look at me at that very moment (i was busy looking at her so i could avoid looking at eh whole class who were staring at me avidly)
so i said "do i have to say?"
reasons i dint want to say
1. i promised my mom i wouldnt go around announcing my grades
2. why should everyone know my grades when i dont know everyone elses
3. should i sound happy about my grade? and if i dont how much of an ass would i look like?
luckily she replied "no, you dont" so i said nothing....but i guess she meant for me to say something becuz she then asked hesitantly..."well, ...was it good?"
as dorky as this sounds i couldnt let her down as she's one of my favorite drs. so i said 7amdullelah yeah, its good.
so now i ended up making it seem like i was afraid of 7asad.
five min later i turn to my friend standing behind me and inquire as to the nature of the color of my face...
still red as a tomato
i dont know how i plan on being a competant dr when i freak out so easily.
i need to stop wasting my time. ive got a continuous assessment 2 for the MSS on saturday and its 1;47 now, i shoud either study or go to sleep.
but i felt like i would want to remember what happened in the future, so i wrote it down...badly....im prolly not gonna understand anything i said.
oh well
so i dont know how long it's actually been since ive written anything in my blog. but i have written some "journal" entries...if they can be called that...that are just as emo as my old stuff.
seems i havnt changed much. thats depressing.
actually thats not true. i do think ive changed a bit. i mean, moving to a diffrent city and living by yourself while attending medical school has got to make a person change in some ways, right? i guess having emo relapses is just a part of who i am. this was a really bad week for me. for somereason im having a lot of those lately. i cant seem to get excited about anything. life just seems so BLAH lately. oh, one incident that happended to me this week and had me cringing:
place: anatomy lab, with dr. mervat
state is was in: pain, late period pain (which explains why i was sitting down and leaning against the board next to where dr. mervat was talking.
anyway, so it's already been established that dr. mervat only memorizes the names of DAWAFEER (according to the rest of the girls) students. so yeah, she knows my name. anyway, so she asks the whole class as she's writing on the board, the blah blah aretery blah blah and continues as..>? me and another girl (who i swear mashallah is SO much more smarter and more of a rounded person figurativly not literally than i am) answers. the doc asks again so i answered again. all of a sudden out of no where, she turns to me and says "by the way asabi3, how much did you happen to get on the anatomy final? (grades had come out just last week and i had gotten a 96% which i was mildly disappointed with , but accepted due to the fact that a lot of people failed. so you see, i knew their were failed marks but i didnt know what was considered a good mark for a DAFOORA.) next thing i know 30 heads or so all turn to look at me questioningly. now if theres one thing i cnat stand it's being stared at. my face promptly turned into a approx 23 cm in circumfrence tomato (at least i think thats how big my head is) as i stared at her in shock i went over my options in my head.
1. tell her and have everyone know my grades
2. tell her and have her look at me in suprises that my mark wasnt all that great
3. tell her and have her praise me infront of the whole class >> making me look like a pompus ass
4. not tell her and look like i was afraid of 7asad
5. not tell her and look like i got a bad grade and was too ashamed
6. just sit there and pertend i didnt hear her
i chose option 6
unfortunately she turned to look at me at that very moment (i was busy looking at her so i could avoid looking at eh whole class who were staring at me avidly)
so i said "do i have to say?"
reasons i dint want to say
1. i promised my mom i wouldnt go around announcing my grades
2. why should everyone know my grades when i dont know everyone elses
3. should i sound happy about my grade? and if i dont how much of an ass would i look like?
luckily she replied "no, you dont" so i said nothing....but i guess she meant for me to say something becuz she then asked hesitantly..."well, ...was it good?"
as dorky as this sounds i couldnt let her down as she's one of my favorite drs. so i said 7amdullelah yeah, its good.
so now i ended up making it seem like i was afraid of 7asad.
five min later i turn to my friend standing behind me and inquire as to the nature of the color of my face...
still red as a tomato
i dont know how i plan on being a competant dr when i freak out so easily.
i need to stop wasting my time. ive got a continuous assessment 2 for the MSS on saturday and its 1;47 now, i shoud either study or go to sleep.
but i felt like i would want to remember what happened in the future, so i wrote it down...badly....im prolly not gonna understand anything i said.
oh well
posted by Asabi3 at 1:26 AM
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